so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This is the high leading the old right now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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