I just cut my nipple shaving
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
