THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
