My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I need moral support for this bender
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
