Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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