Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
