His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In other news, I just burned my penis
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize