Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
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She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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