: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
