I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
