You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Randomize
