you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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