he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
