Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
