We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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