Where did you get a picture of my penis
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
