Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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