I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
