Nicole vs. Life
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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