Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
