Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
