I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
