sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
