a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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