just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize