It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
