I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
