God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
