i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
