Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
