Are we in a gay sports bar?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
