I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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