If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
