the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
