I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Send help, water and tortillas.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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