Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
