Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
