i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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