Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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