You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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