next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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