They should really pass out barf bags in church
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Houston, we have a squirter
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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