he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
