Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
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I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
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Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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