I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
