i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize