My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
