it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
