Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
