your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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