I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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