"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sext me about skeletons
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
