Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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