You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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