Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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