i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
