Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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