i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
