I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Actions speak louder than pants.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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