your room smells of hookers.
And success
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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